Chapter 17 – I want to eat fish.
Chu Yu was frightened out of his wits.
He beat the protagonist so badly that even three years of friendship can’t make up for it! The protagonist’s eyes were full of sorrow and he looked quite terrible …
Seeing Chu Yu’s grieving face, Xie X was startled and asked: “Da Shixiong, what’s wrong?”
Chu Yu quickly understood his meaning: You beat me up but still dare to pretend?
Chu Yu silently bowed his head, looked at his beastly hands that had committed the crime, and was speechless for a long time. Finally, slowly and sadly, he said: “Shidi …”
Xie Xi: “… Da Shixiong?”
Chu Yu tearfully said: “Xi-er …”
(Translator’s note: Putting “-er” after a person’s first name shows affection and intimacy.)
This was the first time Chu Yu called him “Xi-er.” Xie Xi’s eyebrows twitched. Chu Yu expression was cold and desolate, one’s heart couldn’t help but become anxious. The scene last night… Da Shioxing remembered it?
Xie Xi grew more and more nervous; he was just about to kneel down and acknowledge his faults when Chu Yu said sadly: “Shixiong did not deliberately hit you …”
Xie Xi stopped: “… Hit?”
He then remembered his two slaps last night. He touched his face and was momentarily frozen. Xie Xi said dryly: “Da Shixiong did not do this. Last night … Shidi had a nightmare and accidentally hit himself.”
Chu Yu looked sadly at Xie Xi: “Of course, you needn’t say more, Shixiong understands.”
Chu Yu’s heart was moved by the protagonist’s compassion and generosity. He felt so guilty he could hardly bear it. Looking at those red and swollen handprints, those slaps were obviously quite fierce. Did the original Chu Yu really return last night?
“Da Shixiong?” Xie Xi was stunned when Chu Yu took his hand in his and reverently put his forehead on Xie Xi’s. The touch of Chu Yu’s fingers was like warm, moist jade. Xie Xi’s fingertips trembled slightly and a fire burned in his heart, burning him until he felt dizzy, and his breathing became rapid.
It was as if the air was being filled up with last night’s intoxicating wine, tempting and ambiguous.
Chu Yu’s voice sank: “Fight back.”
If you don’t fight back then I will have difficulty with my conscience and won’t be able to hug the thighs …
Xie Xi’s lips tightened and he stared Chu Yu, who had closed his eyes. Seeing Chu Yu’s eyelids quiver, Xie Xi knew how nervous he was.
Da Shixiong is really cute …
Xie Xi was laughing on the inside as he stroked Chu Yu’s face. His eyes lit up and he smiled like a little fox. His said in a grieved and sweet voice: “How can Shidi fight Da Shixiong? If Da Shixiong really wants to make amends then please ask Shidi to eat fish.”
The light in his eyes was deep and mysterious as the stared at Chu Yu whose robe did not completely cover his exquisite collarbones that were partly hidden and partly exposed. Xie Xi’s eyebrows rose and he said, biting off each word: “Shidi wants to eat fish very much.”
Chu Yu shivered for no reason.
Opening his eyes he looked at Xie Xi and said, puzzled: “If you want to eat fish, there should be someone selling it nearby.”
Xie Xi’s eyes were stuck on Chu Yu’s body for a long time. When he spoke his tone was very sorrowful: “I’m… not sure whether I want to eat it or not right now. When I want to eat, Shixiong must give it to me.”
The innocent Chu Yu casually nodded: “Certainly, it’s just a few fish.”
Xie Xi smiled and did not speak again.
Because of their drunken adventure in that small town, they wasted a lot of time but Chu Yu was not able to enlighten and teach the protagonist seduction skills. Chu Yu was very frustrated and listless as they hurried to make up for the lost time.
But, come to think of it … Chu Yu, who has been single for twenty years, has not been able to activate his bedroom skills. How is he supposed to teach the protagonist anything?
He thought about it for a long time then was tempted to knock on the System’s door: “What can I do with the bonus points? Can you provide a harem-capturing guide?”
007 system: “This System is very happy to serve you ~ The store can has a variety of strategy guides ~ Current points: 320 ~ Do you want to spend 199 points to buy “Thirty Six (Flirting) Stratagems” ~
Chu Yu: “What? 36? 199? Why not 200?”
007 System: “Ding ~ In accordance with the Host’s request ~ The price of “Thirty Six (Flirting) Stratagems” has been changed to 200 points ~”
He meditated on it for a long time. In order to guide the “stud” novel protagonist into becoming a good harem master with lots of sisters, Chu Yu, with a black face, painfully decided to exchange the points for the guide.
“Bang!” A book appeared in front of him.
Chu Yu hurriedly stuffed the book into his storage ring. He glanced at the slender figure in front of him and sighed in relief. Chu Yu didn’t know why, but when they left the town Xie Xi suddenly changed his freeloading ways and no longer asked to ride on Xun Sheng behind Chu Yu’s back.
Otherwise, the kid would have been scared by the book suddenly popping up out of nowhere.
Xie Xi was engrossed in his own thoughts, reflecting on life’s stagnant nature and was slow to notice that Chu Yu was no longer flying beside him. He turned his head and his eyes widened then he hurriedly turned around to return to Chu Yu’s side.
“Shixiong, what happened?”
Chu Yu shook his head in a casual way saying: “It’s nothing.”
Chu Yu examined the forest under them then looked at the twilight sky. His heart gave birth to a plan. He smiled and said: “Flying on this sword for several days running, one can become tired. Shidi, do you want to rest in the mountains for one night?”
Xie Xi was worried about Chu Yu, so how could he disagree? The two people landed together on a bit of flat ground. Xie Xi made Chu Yu lie down and rest while he went off to find firewood and something to eat.
Now the setting is convenient for reading. Chu Yu leisurely took out “Thirty Six (Flirting) Stratagems.” However, with just one look at the cover, his eyebrows couldn’t help but start twitching.
Why does the cover feature a nude couple ****ing? What is it so high definition and uncensored? System, what are you trying to pull?!
He quickly turned over the cover and read the first page. Chu Yu couldn’t help but whistle.
**** me, it’s really something! What a great picture!
First Type: Hold on to the waist while looking at each other
Description: The first move when the hero saves the beauty
Details: A strong arm encircles her slender waist, look deep into her eyes
Friendly Tip: Ugly people are often rejected1
The accompany illustration was an animated GIF … In the image the took hold of the woman’s waist and they looked at each other fondly, then he bowed his head and kissed her. Finally, a big pink heart came out of the picture.
WTF!!! What the hell is this?!!
Chu Yu closed the book; his face was impassive.
Angrily, Chu Yu immediately knocked on the System: “I want to return this!”
007 System: “Sorry ~ all sales are final and returns are not accepted ~”
Are you a scammer?
007 System: “Host please be patient ~ cliches2 are very popular ~ if the stratagems are used well ~ teasing the sister ~ the effect will be quite significant ~ kiss ~ kiss ~”
Suddenly, Chu Yu heard the sound of footsteps. Now it was too late to argue with the System so he scrambled to put away the book.
Xie Xi slowly came into view with one hand holding a pheasant, the other holding some firewood. He raised an eyebrow and looked at Chu Yu strangely: “Da Shixiong, what book were you reading?”
Chu Yu coughed and said: “… a cultivation method.”
Xie Xi asked no more. He diligently kindled a fire then crouched down beside the pond to prepare the pheasant.
Seeing that Xie Xi was busy, Chu Yu carefully knocked on the system: “I don’t care! Exchange this and give me a book with a normal painting style or I’ll leave a bad review!”
The System was silent for a moment then said: “If the host is determined to exchange the item, please spend 10 points ~”
Chu Yu gritted his teeth: “The illustrations are normal?”
007 System: “As you requested ~ please confirm whether you wish to spend 10 points to replace your items with the “Flirting with Girls Manual” ~”
Chu Yu confirmed his purchase. His ear was assaulted by the system notification sound. He carefully took out the “Flirting with Girls Manual” but when he saw the cover, Chu Yu almost jumped up in shock.
F**k this is something that can’t be described in polite company!
Fairies fighting! Ahhhh!
(TN: In chapter 73 of The Red Chamber Dream, one of the four great classical novels, a girl picked up a sachet that had an image of a nude pair embracing. She thought it was an image of “fairies fighting.”)
Why is it even more hardcore?
The System must be a real pervert!
His heart was full of complaints when, suddenly, he heard a clear, smiling voice from behind him say: “What is Da Shixiong reading? Shidi also wants to take a look at it.”
Chu Yu immediately stuffed the book into a storage ring. His eyebrows twitched as he turned his head. Chu Yu hadn’t noticed when Xie Xi had finished preparing the pheasant. The unlucky game bird was now spitted on a branch. Xie Xi leaned over and curiously at Chu Yu’s interspatial storage ring.
… He saw it!
That was Chu Yu’s first thought.
This brat is interested in erotic pictures!
That was Chu Yu’s second thought.
The two thoughts instantly flashed through his mind. Chu Yu was frozen for a long time. Then he smiled and said straightforwardly: “Shidi, all of a sudden Shixiong wants to eat fruit …”
He didn’t even finish saying “… please go get me some” before Xie Xi immediately put the pheasant on the fire and said, smiling: “Da Shixiong, please wait a moment. Shidi will go get some.”
Xie Xi’s figure disappeared.
Chu Yu was surprised. Unexpectedly, Xie Xi took the initiative to run errands. He set aside the strange feeling in his heart for the moment and stealthily touched the cover of the extremely indecent, hardcore manual.
The painting style was really normal. Chu Yu read the whole thing very rapidly then threw it back into his storage. He muttered to himself and stood up.
Before he could think of a way to enlighten the protagonist, Xie Xi came back holding a pile of red, round fruits. The scent and the shape was similar to apples; they were strange but pleasant to look at.
Xie Xi took the fruit with him and sat down cross-legged beside Chu Yu. He was about to pass the fruit to Chu Yu when he seemed to think of something. He rubbed the fruit on his white sleeve then used Duan Xue to remove its skin. He handed it to Chu Yu, saying: “Try this, Shixiong. I tasted it. There’s no poison in it and I think it’s delicious.”
Chu Yu was embarrassed when he thought of that time that he forced Xie Xi to eat the poisonous fruit. He took the fruit and bit into it. Indeed, it was fresh and fragrant, very delicious.
Xie Xi only smilingly watched him eating but did not touch the fruit. Chu Yu’s face wasn’t thick enough to eat while he was being watched so he said meaningfully: “Shidi, why do you not eat?”
Xie XI said cheerfully: “Shidi does not like to eat the skin …”
Chu Yu understood. He took out Xun Sheng, picked up a fruit, and diligently peeled it to return the favor. The poor, abused top-grade immortal sword was unexpectedly reduced to being used as a fruit-peeling knife by a person who doesn’t know how properly care for his things.3 If this sword was a person, he would have punched Shixiong so hard he would fly straight up into the stratosphere.4
Xie Xi stared at Chu Yu’s earnest look. His eyes darkened. Chu Yu was totally unaware of his reaction and just peeled the fruit, smiled, then gave him the fruit. Xie Xi smiled. When Chu Yu handed him the fruit, Xie Xi,perhaps accidentally, or perhaps intentionally, squeezed Chu Yu’s hand.
After eating the delicious roast pheasant, Chu Yu’s appetite was satisfied and he thought of a good plan. He looked up at the sky, sighing, and said: “Shidi, Shixiong suddenly feels a little cold …”
It was a warm summer night. Although they were in a forest and the evening was a little cool, it was far from being cold.
But Xie Xi seemed to see nothing wrong with what Chu Yu said. Xie Xi frowned, stretched out his hand to cover Chu Yu’s cold hand, and placed it over his heart for a while, then said: “Shixiong’s hand is really cold. Tonight Shidi will hug Shixiong to sleep.”
No, no, no, no! Protagonist, you’re reading from the wrong script!
Chu Yu coughed, saying: “… No need to trouble Shidi. Shixiong will go to the woods to see if there is any beast whose fur I can use.”
He just wants to get rid of Xie Xi or go off by himself.
Xie Xi did not seem to see through Chu Yu’s obvious excuse. He nodded and said: “Such a trivial thing, how can I let Shixiong do it? Please wait a moment, Shidi will go.”
Looking at the teenager who left without complaining, Chu Yu felt very guilty but consoled himself with the thought: I’m doing this for you. He looked around in all four directions before he sneakily walked into the woods.
He had only taken one step forward when a white shadow followed behind him.
- Thirty Six (Flirting) Stratagems – The book he bought from the System has a title that is an allusion to “The Thirty-Six Stratagems,” an ancient Chinese essay that illustrates a series of stratagems used in politics, war, and civil interaction.
- This is my favorite chapter! Xie Xi wants to eat fish and Chu Yu (whose name means “fish”) said Xie Xi can eat fish whenever he wants to. Whohoo! *sprinkles flowers* Congratulations, Xie Xi and Chu Yu!
- Did you like this chapter? When do you think Xie Xi will eat fish?
- 丑拒 – “ugly rejection.” Internet slang for the situation in which a person is rejected because they are too ugly.
- 狗血 – Literally “dog blood.” This refers to overused tropes or cliches
- 可怜两柄上品仙剑竟然沦落为水果刀,还要被暴殄天物的人嫌弃不够好使 – um, what?
- Like in Pokemon when Team Rocket’s blasting off again. My colloquial rendering of 若是有懂剑之人在场,非要把这Shixiong弟俩揍得立地飞升不可.