Chapter 17 – Being an Author is a High Risk Occupation

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When Ziche Duanyuan didn’t see Pei Bufan come in, he stood up and went to the courtyard entrance himself to look for the cat. Upon arriving, he saw a ball of black fur lying at the entrance, its little head raised, looking at him pitifully.

Pei Bufan let out a low, exceptionally mournful cry.

Ziche Duanyuan’s heart softened for only a moment before he forced himself to be firm. Some things could not be tolerated. Tolerating it once would only result in this little fellow giving him an inch and taking a mile.¹ He had run off for a day and a half today. If he disappeared for three or four days tomorrow, would there come a day when he never returned at all?

The baleful aura² on Ziche Duanyuan grew heavier. Pei Bufan shivered in fright. His plea for mercy just now hadn’t worked?! Seeing the male lead getting closer and closer with an iron chain, Pei Bufan scrambled to his feet. He’d risk it all! The worst that could happen was being chained up!

The entire cat plastered himself to the male lead’s foot, his small body rubbing in circles against the man’s ankle. He purred, a classic display of affection from a housecat.

System: I can’t watch anymore. Even my titanium alloy eyes will be blinded.³

Pushing his own standards of shamelessness⁴ even lower than the male lead from the original novel, Pei Bufan hooked his claws onto the male lead’s pants and began to climb, unable to stop himself from fantasizing⁵ about the male lead’s bare thighs, lower abdomen, chest muscles…

To be so flighty⁶ at a time like this, Pei Bufan could be considered a true hero!

He climbed onto the male lead’s shoulder, licked his cheek, and then continued to rub, rubbing harder and harder, rubbing with all his might!

“Do you have lice?” Ziche Duanyuan deliberately asked with disgust, suppressing the softness in his heart. As expected, upon hearing this, Pei Bufan’s movements ceased.

You’re the one with lice! Don’t compare me to a stray!

Ziche Duanyuan snorted coldly. With his left hand, he grabbed the scruff of Pei Bufan’s neck and carried him into the bedroom, his other hand still dragging the iron chain.

Watching the door slowly close in front of him, Pei Bufan felt as if he had fallen into hell.

“NO!!!!!” The sound of the door shutting was accompanied by a shrill, tragic meow.

“Should I be glad you even came back?!” the male lead demanded angrily as he chained up the relentlessly struggling Pei Bufan.

Pei Bufan lay on his back on the bed, refusing to cooperate, kicking his four short legs ceaselessly like a rabbit kicking at an eagle.

One hand pressed down on his belly while fingers pinched his little neck. The iron chain was then shackled onto his existing collar.

“Three days,” Ziche Duanyuan said coldly. “You’ll be chained for three days as punishment.” The other end of the chain was locked to the headboard.

Punish your brother-in-law!⁷ Pei Bufan furiously unsheathed his claws and scratched.

Holding the little paws in his palm, Ziche Duanyuan said in a low voice, “From the moment you appeared by my side, you were mine.” He fiddled with the engraved bell, which made a crisp tinkling sound. “You need to be aware of this.”

Aware of your sister! Did This Lord⁸ sell myself to you?

…It seemed he really had sold himself, back when he was still an egg.

Pei Bufan huffily turned around, presenting his backside to Ziche Duanyuan.

Ziche Duanyuan raised an eyebrow, pounced, and gave the round, plump thing a light bite before turning and leaving.

Pei Bufan was stunned.

Bas-bastard!⁹

He bit This Lord’s butt!! QAQ¹⁰

Male lead, come back!! This Lord wants to duel you!! I can’t live like this anymore!!

Ziche Duanyuan, who had slammed the door and left, didn’t hear Pei Bufan’s roars.

After that, Pei Bufan was truly chained up for three days, so bored he could have died.

Ziche Duanyuan, however, was very busy. Having suffered enough in his past life from not having a wide network of connections, in this life he paid great attention to expanding it. At the same time, he was shaping a positive public image, establishing himself as a righteous sword cultivator. This was to ensure that in the future, even if he were caught killing, robbing, or plotting against others, people would say he was eliminating evil for the people or that he had no other choice.

By the time he had acquainted himself with the various higher-ups of Sword Immortal Valley and had “farmed”¹¹ each person’s favorability score to above 0, three days had already passed.

That day, three days later, happened to be when the major sects stopped accepting registrations and began the selection process. It was also the busiest time for every sect. But for someone like Ziche Duanyuan who had already been pre-selected, this screening period was the most idle. New disciples didn’t need to handle any affairs, many places were closed due to manpower shortages, and all internal sect activities were halted to wholeheartedly prepare for the once-in-a-century recruitment event.

And so, Ziche Duanyuan finally had time to deal with his sulking cat.

Luckily, he had previously arranged for the pseudo-attendant, actual-slave Gong Yi to deliver meals on time every day, otherwise who knows how starved the cat would have become. Ziche Duanyuan wasn’t worried that Gong Yi would dare to feign compliance while acting in defiance; not unless he wanted to die.

Completely unaware that he was serving his biggest obstacle on the path to seduction and his prospective love rival, Gong Yi operated under the principle that pleasing Ziche Duanyuan’s cat meant pleasing Ziche Duanyuan himself. He attended to Pei Bufan’s every need with meticulous care, from feeding and grooming to handling his business. Although, the latter items were not successfully implemented, as Pei Bufan refused to cooperate and desperately scratched him…

Having been locked in the room for three days, Pei Bufan finally saw the male lead.

To this, Pei Bufan expressed: This Lord has already grown seven crops of mushrooms waiting for you,¹² and you’re only just remembering me now?! This Lord is breaking up with you!!! Breaking up!!!

Seeing the still-huffy Pei Bufan, Ziche Duanyuan, for the first time in his two lifetimes combined, felt a sense of powerlessness. He sent Gong Yi away early, forcefully scooped Pei Bufan into his arms, and rubbed his cheek against the glossy fur. “What on earth do you want?”

Pei Bufan whimpered huffily.

“If something’s wrong, tell me,” he said.
Pei Bufan didn’t answer.

“Then let’s just stay chained for a lifetime!” Ziche Duanyuan’s heart felt as if it was blocked by something. He had never been so humble and ingratiating, yet the other party still wouldn’t even give him a pleasant look. Furious, he grabbed Pei Bufan’s collar with the resolve to smash the already-cracked pot.¹³ “If you detest me, it’s too late now. Don’t think I’ll be kind enough to let you go! I said it, you’re mine!”

F*ck!¹⁴ Pei Bufan extended his claws, about to turn and continue scratching, but when he turned his cat-face, he saw a trace of hurt on the male lead’s expression.

Wo qu!¹⁵ The great top from his novel actually showed the faint melancholy of a young maiden? This wasn’t scientific!! Although his mind was spammed with “wocao,” Pei Bufan found his heart softening at the male lead’s sudden change.

After a few seconds of internal conflict, he stuck out his little tongue and licked Ziche Duanyuan’s cheek. Seeing as you’re so… hmph, I’ll comfort you a bit. As expected, compared to him—the C-r-e-a-t-o-r G-o-d of this world—the male lead had gone from a bona fide top to a power bottom!¹⁶

He was the world’s number one top!

Ziche Duanyuan’s eyes brightened for a moment. He turned his head to look at Pei Bufan, and this turn was no small matter since Pei Bufan’s little tongue hadn’t yet retreated and ended up touching the male lead’s lips.

Both of them froze.

Lust suddenly flared in Pei Bufan’s heart. He gave the other’s lips a fierce lick, flicked his tail, and felt immensely smug¹⁷ inside.

This Lord force-kissed the male lead, Ziche Duanyuan! This Lord dominated the top who had always been the one dominating others!!

This Lord is so cool!!

Then, he cautiously glanced back at Ziche Duanyuan. He’s not angry, is he?

Ziche Duanyuan blankly touched his own lips, lost in thought.

His tantrum wasn’t a genuine attempt to completely break up with Ziche Duanyuan. This was such a thick thigh to hug!¹⁸ How could he let go! Besides, there was still the mission!

The mission…

=口=!!¹⁹
The previous mission!!

System: [I was wondering when you’d notice. So stupid.]

Pei Bufan: ‘Wocao! You didn’t even remind me! The male lead and I have made up now, so the mission is a success, right?!’

[You were chained up for three days. Where do you get this confidence?] the System roasted.²⁰

‘……’

[Failure!] it announced, delivering the bad news.

‘Then I’ll have to shed fur… no, it’s being chained. Oh right, This Lord has already been punished. Good, good.’

[Friendly reminder: You have previously received an item in advance.]

‘So?’

[Missions related to advanced items are not allowed to fail. Otherwise…]

‘Otherwise?’ Pei Bufan had a bad feeling.

[Heh.]

‘Heh your sister! Just say what you mean!!’

[Choose one of three. 1, Punishment Mission: success grants a special reward, failure means obliteration. 2, Random physical punishment. 3, Random mental punishment.] The System’s voice held a hint of schadenfreude: [Which one do you want?]

‘Do I have to choose?’

[Duh.]

‘What does the random physical punishment include?’

[Whipping, chili water, spanking. Obliteration is also a possibility.]

‘What if I accidentally draw obliteration?’

[It would be all over.]²¹

‘…Then what does the random mental punishment include?’

[Shedding fur is included.] No further explanation was needed. This one was enough.

As expected, Pei Bufan’s fur instantly stood on end.²² “Wocao!”

Having recovered from the kiss, Ziche Duanyuan looked over at Pei Bufan.

‘Then I’ll choose the first one.’

[Understood.]

Was that an illusion? Pei Bufan shook his head. He thought he’d just heard a laugh.

[Random Mission: Host, please “push down”²³ the male lead once. Time limit: three days.]

“What’s wrong?” Ziche Duanyuan, still in a pretty good mood, petted Pei Bufan’s furry head.

Pei Bufan turned his head and looked gloomily at Ziche Duanyuan. “Big Bro, might I borrow your chrysanthemum?”²⁴

********

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Reika’s Notes:

• This text was translated by Kotori Translates, and given to BC Novels to publish.
• I helped with the footnotes, formatting, grammar, etc., the usual stuff that is needed to post this on the website.
• Please let me know if there are any errors. Thanks for reading!

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1. 得寸进尺 –  to get an inch and want a foot.
2. 煞气 – A term often used in xianxia/wuxia genres. It refers to a tangible aura of killing intent, hostility, or negative energy that emanates from a powerful or malevolent being.
3. 钛合金眼 – Internet slang, literally “titanium alloy eyes.” Used to describe something so cringeworthy, embarrassing, or ridiculous that it’s “blinding” to watch.
4. 下限 – Literally “lower limit.” In internet slang, it refers to one’s personal standards of decency or shame. To “have no lower limit” (没下限) means to be completely shameless.
5. YY – Internet slang derived from 意淫 (yì yín), which means to have lewd or wishful thoughts; to fantasize.
6. 荡漾 – Literally means “to ripple.” Used as internet slang to describe a state of being flustered, excited, or having romantic/flirtatious feelings, like one’s heart is “rippling.”
7. 你妹夫 –  A slightly more creative and less common variant of the popular mild curse “你妹 (nǐ mèi),” which literally means “your sister” and is used like “the hell with you” or “damn you.”
8. 爷 – Literally “grandfather” or “master.” An arrogant and informal way to refer to oneself, similar to “I, your father,” or “This Lord.”
9. 魂淡 (hún dàn): A deliberate near-homophone of 混蛋 (hùndàn), which means “bastard” or “asshole.” It’s a slightly cuter or less harsh way of cursing someone.
10. QAQ: An emoticon representing a crying face. The ‘Q’s are the eyes with tears streaming down, and the ‘A’ is the open, wailing mouth.
11. 刷  – Literally “to brush” or “to swipe.” In gaming and internet culture, it means to grind or farm for something, like experience points, items, or in this case, “favorability points.”
12. 蘑菇都种了 = Internet slang meaning “I’ve waited so long that mushrooms have started to grow on me.”
13. 破罐破摔 – “to smash a pot that is already cracked.” It describes an attitude of giving up and acting recklessly because a situation is already bad, akin to “in for a penny, in for a pound” in a negative sense.
14. 卧槽 (wò cáo): A very common and versatile curse word. It’s a near-homophone for 我肏 (wǒ cào), which means “f*ck.”
15. 我去 – Literally “I go.” A mild exclamation of surprise or exasperation, similar to “What the heck!”
16. 总攻 / 强受  – BL (Boys’ Love) terminology. 总攻 means a strong/dominant top while 强受  is a strong bottom
17. 嘚瑟 – meaning cocky, smug, or showing off.
18. 抱大腿 – Literally “to hug a big thigh.” A popular slang term for latching onto a powerful or influential person for support, protection, or personal gain.
19. =口=: An emoticon representing shock or a gasp. The ‘=’ are the eyes and ‘口’ is the wide-open mouth.
20. 吐槽 – Originally from Japanese (tsukkomi), this popular term means to make a sharp, witty, or sarcastic comment; to roast or make a comeback.
21. 万事休矣 – the game is over
22. 炸毛 – Literally “fur exploding on end.”
23. 压 (yā) – Literally “to press” or “push down.” In this context, it is BL slang for being the dominant partner in sex, i.e., to top someone.
24. 菊花  – a very common internet slang term for the an*s.