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Unfortunately, Pei Bufan only managed to let out that one meow. Noticing the male lead’s confused expression, he realized he had made a sound and immediately clamped his mouth shut, so Wu Jue couldn’t get any more information.
Ziche Duanyuan pinched Pei Bufan’s ear and asked, “Since Senior is from the Upper Realm, do you know of anything that can make him speak human words?”
Wu Jue raised an eyebrow. He lowered his head, thought for a moment, and nodded. “In the Immortal Realm, there is indeed a type of spirit grass that can allow him to speak. It’s just that the place where this immortal grass grows is perilous, and the plants themselves are rare…”
Ziche Duanyuan looked at him, his expression unchanging.
“Of course, with my cultivation, finding a stalk is not a problem,” Wu Jue said with a grin. “As it happens, I’ll be returning to the Immortal Realm in a few days. I can bring a portion back for you.”
“Many thanks, Senior.”
“If you have nothing else to do afterward, how about you and I tour the Tianwu Sect together?” Wu Jue looked out the window. “It’s the centennial grand event. It’s quite lively outside.”
Ziche Duanyuan nodded. This man’s words couldn’t be fully trusted; observing him up close was an opportunity.
Upon hearing this, Pei Bufan immediately flared up! A day and a half of his mission time had already passed, leaving only a day and a half to complete it! And he wouldn’t even have opportunities during that entire time. How was he supposed to do anything when this man, who had appeared out of nowhere, was suddenly taking up so much time?!
He slapped a paw on the male lead’s face and meowed, “Hey! You’re not allowed to go with that strange man!1 This Lord has business to do with you, you know?”2 Taking advantage of the fact that no one could understand him, Pei Bufan spoke without any restraint.
The “strange man,” Wu Jue, touched his own face. Yup! It must be because I’m too handsome!
“He won’t take responsibility, I’m telling you! Anyone who looks like that is definitely a bad person!!” Pei Bufan bared his teeth at Wu Jue.
Wu Jue: …
“Bufan, what’s wrong?” Ziche Duanyuan looked at him in confusion, then glanced at Wu Jue. Could it be that Pei Bufan has sensed something? Last time, it was Pei Bufan who had led him to the hidden treasure in the secret realm, so Ziche Duanyuan had always believed Pei Bufan had a special ability. Coupled with Wu Jue’s earlier attempt to take the cat, a slight rift had formed in the male lead’s heart. So, between the two, since Pei Bufan disliked Wu Jue, Ziche Duanyuan naturally sided with Bufan.
“My pet is throwing a tantrum,” Ziche Duanyuan said to Wu Jue with an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid I’ll have to break our appointment this time.”
“No problem,” Wu Jue waved his hand. “We can get in touch again when we have time.”
Ziche Duanyuan stood up, held Pei Bufan, and went upstairs. There was paper and a brush in the room, and he was now anxious to know what Pei Bufan wanted to say.
Wu Jue stroked his chin with a smile, then picked up his chopsticks to eat.
“Tsk tsk, you really haven’t changed at all. A mouth full of lies.” Lan Lin, seeing that Ziche Duanyuan and Pei Bufan had gone into their room, walked over to Ziche Duanyuan’s seat, sat down, and started eating his food.
A piece of meat Wu Jue was just about to pick up was snatched by Lan Lin. He put down his chopsticks. “Proprietor, is it appropriate for you to come over and fight with a customer for food?”
“Aren’t you the real owner of all the inns in this area?” Lan Lin snorted, pulling the plate with the most meat in front of him and digging in. “And what was that about the immortal grass being rare and hard to obtain? What a joke, that stuff is everywhere in the Immortal Realm. No one would even want it for free!” After all, immortal beasts were born with the ability to speak. Those who couldn’t talk yet were just slow growers. After raising them for a while, at the latest, they’d be able to talk once all their teeth grew in.
“If I don’t make it sound difficult, how can I emphasize my hard work? Isn’t it good to have him owe me a favor? Besides, it gives me a legitimate reason to seek him out again. You said before that Pei Bufan has already shapeshifted?”
“That’s right. As for whether his original form can speak… he always speaks to me in his human form. I’ve never really paid attention when he’s in his original form.” Lan Lin put down his chopsticks and picked up a wine cup. “Next time, I’ll help you check his body. Hopefully, it’s not a congenital deficiency.”
“What’s that kid doing now? He didn’t even show up when I arrived.”
“Master fell for it again while stealing pills. This time it’s a Reversion-to-Childhood pill. He can’t show his face for a while because of the sect’s image.”
“…………So pathetic.” Wu Jue facepalmed in exasperation.
“When are you going to scram back?”
“Hey, hey, hey!! No matter how you put it, I’m still your elder!! Can’t you show a little respect?!” Wu Jue slammed the table in anger.
“Elder, please be gentle, this is pear wood!” Lan Lin caressed the table piteously. “I’ll keep a close eye on our Little Junior Martial Brother. In any case, now that we’ve found him, what’s there to be afraid of? But it’s really strange that you didn’t just snatch him or steal him directly.”
“What are you talking about! I am a righteous immortal! How could I do something like stealing someone away?!”3
Lan Lin: …
Pei Bufan, who had been brought back to the room, stared at the paper and brush before him: …
What should he do?! What should he write? Why did he want to drive that man away? To find an opportunity to drug and press someone? Damn it, if I really write that, I’ll be slaughtered by the male lead in seconds!
Pei Bufan curled his tail around the brush and slowly wrote a few words: I’m hungry.
Ziche Duanyuan: …
Who was it that ate so much just now they needed someone to rub their little tummy?
Realizing his excuse was a bit stupid, Pei Bufan swiped his tail, erased the three words, and wrote two more: Sleepy.
Knowing he wouldn’t get the real story from this dumb cat, Ziche Duanyuan kneaded Pei Bufan into a ball and stuffed him under the covers. “Then go to sleep.” He then turned and walked toward the door. Just as he reached it, he paused, then suddenly turned back. A message had come from his master at Sword Immortal Valley, telling him to return before the day after tomorrow to attend the disciple acceptance ceremony.
Forget it. Since there’s nothing else, I should just head back first. Ziche Duanyuan turned around and lifted the quilt, only to find that Pei Bufan had already curled into a ball with his eyes closed. Asleep? He poked Pei Bufan’s furry face. His breathing was long and even. Ziche Duanyuan climbed onto the bed, lay down beside Pei Bufan, and gathered the ‘soundly sleeping’ black cat into his arms.
A short while later, Pei Bufan peeked open his eyes and looked at the male lead. He hadn’t been sleeping just now; his consciousness had gone deep into his sea of knowledge4 to ask the system for a clever plan, creating the illusion that he was asleep.
Wu Jue’s arrival had put Pei Bufan on alert. It was better to complete the mission as soon as possible. Who knew what other accidents might happen later? It wasn’t in vain that he had used a combination of rolling around, acting cute, throwing tantrums, and making threats. The system had taught him a Turtle Breathing Art5. As long as he could hold his breath for a long time, he wouldn’t have to worry about inhaling the intoxicating incense! He just had to toss the paper packet in when the male lead wasn’t paying attention. Then, he just needed to stall for half an hour, and it would be OK! The male lead had no guard up against him at all!! He felt a little guilty thinking about it…
When he opened his eyes, he saw that the male lead was actually sleeping beside him! And yet, he was about to do something bad. He felt a tiny bit guilty.
He stealthily got up and used his little paws to place the intoxicating incense. As for the other packet, Pei Bufan hesitated for a long while. He really wasn’t sure about the drug’s effects and didn’t know what would happen if he used it at the same time. While he was struggling, his hand trembled, the packet flipped over, and all the powder spilled onto the floor.
Pei Bufan: …
Oops.
“It spilled! It all spilled!!” Pei Bufan was agitated. “What do I do now?”
[You’re so useless.] The system couldn’t help but roast him. He couldn’t even drug someone without messing up.
From the very beginning, things were heading toward failure. Pei Bufan’s already small amount of courage deflated like a punctured ball, and he immediately went limp. Anyway… I never really thought I could top him and press the big male lead down.
“How about we just forget it? You can just shave all my fur off,” Pei Bufan said, sobbing.
[You’re not going to do the mission?]
“I feel like if I complete it, I might really be finished,” Pei Bufan said in a low voice.
System: …
[Fine, I get it. It’s rare to see you this useless. I give you an opportunity and you don’t even take it. Just wait and cry later. This time, this System will give you a chance. The mission is actually very simple, it’s the literal meaning. You just need to press the male lead. Press! Do you understand?]
Pei Bufan: “But the drug spilled. How can I press him?”
System: [You’re not innocent when you should be, and you’re being stupid when you need to be dirty! If you still don’t get it, just go do it yourself!]
Pei Bufan was confused for a long while before he understood the meaning, and he instantly exploded. “Wait, you were setting me up before?” The so-called ‘press’ just meant pinning him down for a while? Was completing the mission that simple?
The system roasted him mercilessly: [It wasn’t originally, but now… let’s just say it is. Also, if you don’t hurry up, your dear male lead is about to open his eyes.]
Pei Bufan: “Wocao.”
The system reminded him again: [Also, there are only five minutes left on the Transformation Card’s duration. Host, please resolve this as soon as possible.]
Pei Bufan: “…”
Five minutes?!
So soon!
Isn’t that a little too short!
********
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Reika’s Notes:
- This text was translated by Kotori Translates, and given to BC Novels to publish.
- I helped with the footnotes, formatting, grammar, etc., the usual stuff that is needed to post this on the website.
- Please let me know if there are any errors. Thanks for reading!
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- 野男人 – Wild man. A derogatory term for a man who is not one’s husband or official partner, often implying an illicit affair.
- 你造吗 – A cutesy, baby-talk internet slang version of 你知道吗 (nǐ zhīdào ma), which means “Do you know?”
- 偷人 – To steal a person. A phrase that usually means to have an illicit affair, but here it’s used in its more literal (and humorous) sense of kidnapping someone.
- 识海 – A space within a cultivator’s mind where their consciousness and spiritual energy reside.
- 龟息诀 – a cultivation technique that allows one to hold their breath for an extremely long time.