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The annual Singles’ Day1 was a major holiday for Pei Bufan.
He was a man. A broke man.
He was also a die-hard otaku2 who only knew how to dig pits3 online for some extra cash, occasionally working as a ghostwriter.4
All of his daily life’s resources—instant noodles, clothes, figurines, even toilet paper—came from online shopping.
However, while Singles’ Day brought him joy, it also brought him pain.
To hell with warehouse backlogs!5 To hell with lost packages!!
The Sesshomaru figurine he had finally bought through gritted teeth…
…was gone, just like that.
The courier company’s attitude was quite good; they apologized profusely over the phone. The seller’s attitude was also decent; they promised a full refund and a discount on any future purchases from their store…
That’s right, a refund, not a replacement.
Because the figurine was a limited edition and had already sold out.
He didn’t want anything else. He just wanted his Sesshomaru!!
Sorrow has flowed backwards into a river.6
Seeing so many people in his 2D world group chat7 showing off their new treasures, Pei Bufan really had the urge to slice up this entire group of show-offs.
No one understands my sorrow!
However, things often take an unexpected turn, revealing a silver lining.8
After wailing in his blanket for three days, Pei Bufan suddenly received a call from the courier company. He had a package!
A package!
The only Singles’ Day package he hadn’t received was… Sesshomaru!
But the package in his hands seemed a bit large. Pei Bufan carefully checked the delivery address and name; it was his, all right.
The sender’s address, however, was completely blank.
Would a logistics company even deliver a package like this?
He looked up, but the delivery guy was already long gone.
Back home, he grabbed a utility knife and excitedly began to open the package.
…Did he just hear a ticking sound?
Was he imagining it?
The next moment after opening the package, a deafening explosion rocked the quiet little alley.
That night, the news headline “Otaku Dies Tragically at Home After Receiving a Bomb in a Package” shot to the top of the charts, its click rate soaring.
Pei Bufan had gone viral, but only after his death…
You could say he lived quietly and died with a bang.
The entire country mourned and discussed whether the security checks for logistics and courier services were adequate.
When Pei Bufan’s consciousness returned, he was in a sea of darkness. He remained in a daze for a long time before it finally dawned on him. He was probably, seemingly, dead?
How did he die???
Can someone please explain??
He couldn’t make a sound, nor could he hear any response.
It had all happened too fast. His only memory was… opening that delivery box?
Then, a searing heat shot through his body.
And then… and then there was nothing. He had arrived here.
He didn’t know where he was, nor what time it was.
He curled himself into a ball and was suddenly shocked to find he had a body! He seemed to be… a fetus?
It’s just… the position of his head and hands wasn’t quite right…
Something long was brushing against his leg.
…An umbilical cord?
Holy crap,9 this is the first time I’ve actually seen one… sigh…
He couldn’t open his eyes!
Can someone please explain what the hell is going on?
.
.
.
This is so frustrating.
Don’t tell me I’m going to stay like this for the rest of my life…
A pregnancy lasts ten months, but his body was already fully formed. By that logic, he should only have to lie here for another month or so.
Luckily, he wasn’t Nezha.10 Three years… kudos to him for holding on that long. That kid was probably a die-hard otaku too. Other people are attached to their homes; he was attached to the womb.
After an unknown amount of time, he felt the environment he was in begin to spin, and with great force at that.
Whose mother is this, being so careless as to perform such a high-risk maneuver? What if he miscarries before he’s fully developed?!11
Who’s going to take responsibility?!
A life is on the line!!
He flailed his hands and touched a hard edge.
…Hard??
He felt around again. It was hard all around him…
…He was born from an egg, holy shit!12
No wonder it felt like he was developing weirdly; he just couldn’t be sure without seeing. He really wasn’t human anymore!
What kind of bad deed did he commit to be thrown into the Animal Realm13 by King Yama?!14
King Yama, come out here! I need to have a good long talk with you!!
Ow!!
It felt as though he was picked up by someone, and the world around Pei Bufan spun even more violently. He carelessly knocked his head hard against one side.
He squinted, his claws desperately scrambling towards the place he’d hit. He had just heard a cracking sound. This was the prelude to hatching, thank goodness! He was about to go crazy from being cooped up.
A crack appeared where he had hit his head, and a cold wind blew in. Little Pei Bufan pushed against the wind, hooked the tip of his claw in, and poked his head out.
The wind was even stronger now. Pei Bufan shivered. A few physiological tears streamed from his squinted eyes. As he slowly opened his golden, amber-like pupils, they met a pair of cold, beautiful eyes.
The one holding Pei Bufan, shell and all, was a handsome youth. When Pei Bufan looked at him, he was also looking back at Pei Bufan with an expression of disgust and confusion.
…So, so handsome.
Pei Bufan opened his small mouth, letting out a tiny whimper as drool trickled from the corners.
The disgust on the youth’s face deepened. He reached out with his other hand, pinched the soft flesh on the back of Pei Bufan’s neck, and lifted him up. With his other hand, he tossed away the eggshell. “A return,” he stated.
Pei Bufan looked in the direction the youth was holding him out to. A scruffy, bearded man was manning a stall, selling eggs.
His whole person—no, his whole cat—was stunned.
It wasn’t just because he’d instantly understood his situation, but also because of the mechanical voice that had suddenly popped into his head the moment he saw the youth.
[Male Lead discovered. System activating. Rebooting… 1%… 17%… 69%… 100%]
‘Male lead? What male lead?’ Pei Bufan asked, but what came out of his mouth was a series of faint meows.
Pei Bufan: “…”
The system ignored him.15 After rebooting, it directly issued the first mission.
[Please have the Host follow the Male Lead.
Completion Reward: 1000 EXP, 10 Gold Coins, Cute Meow-Meow Bell Collar 1/4
Failure Penalty: Obliteration]
It was set up just like a game, but he had never seen a game with such a terrifying penalty! Why on earth was he here?
[Activate the Novice Helper?]
“Meow!” Of course, I want to activate it!
Ziche Duanyuan, who was halfway through an argument with the magic pet egg seller, was startled. He looked down at the little Firewood Cat, which he had thought was listless, and saw it baring its teeth energetically, showing no signs of the congenital weakness he had assumed.
“You see, Young Master? All the eggs here are guaranteed to be healthy. Although your luck wasn’t the best and you only got a low-level Firewood Cat… this kind of kitten is very cute. Many female cultivators like them. You could always give it to the one you admire. After all, although a Firewood Cat isn’t a high-level spirit pet, it’s still a rare find. It would be nice to keep as a pet without forming a contract.”
Ziche Duanyuan frowned. He had spent three thousand low-grade spirit stones, and it wasn’t to buy a little cat.
“Are you sure you don’t have any pure black eggs left?” Ziche Duanyuan asked, not giving up.
“Really, not a single one! That was the only one!” the egg seller said with utmost certainty.
His fair, slender fingers stroked the Firewood Cat’s short, black fur. Ziche Duanyuan finally gave up and turned to leave.
After all, he had been reborn. Everything was different from his past life. The egg that was supposed to hatch a Netherworld Bird had produced a stupid cat instead. This was truly something he hadn’t anticipated.
Could it be that he just wasn’t fated to have it?
Ziche Duanyuan let out a cold laugh. He didn’t believe in fate!
********
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Reika’s Notes:
- This was picked up years ago and got no love. It was dropped, and I’m tentatively picking it back up again.
- This text was translated by Kotori Translates, and given to BC Novels to publish.
- I helped with the footnotes, formatting, grammar, etc., the usual stuff that is needed to post this on the website.
- Please let me know if there are any errors. Thanks for reading!
Table of Contents Next Chapter
- Singles’ Day (双十一 Shuāng Shíyī), also known as Double 11, falls on November 11th (11/11). Originally a day for single people, it has been co-opted by e-commerce giant Alibaba and is now the world’s largest online shopping festival, similar to Black Friday but on a much larger scale.
- A die-hard otaku (死宅 sǐ zhái) is a term for an extreme shut-in obsessed with ACG (Anime, Comics, Games) culture. The literal translation is “dead otaku,” implying they never leave their house.
- Digging a pit (挖坑 wā kēng) is internet slang for starting a creative project, such as a fanfiction or web novel, and then abandoning it, leaving readers “in the pit” waiting for updates.
- A ghostwriter (枪手 qiāngshǒu), literally “gunman” or “hired gun,” is slang for someone hired to write things for others, such as essays, articles, or even take exams in their place.
- “To hell with…” is a translation of “去你妹的 (qù nǐ mèi de),” a common, milder expletive that literally means “go to your sister’s.” It functions similarly to “damn it” or “screw you.”
- Sorrow has flowed backwards into a river (悲伤已逆流成河 bēishāng yǐ nìliú chéng hé) is a popular, somewhat melodramatic internet phrase that originated from the title of a novel by Guo Jingming. It’s used to express overwhelming sadness.
- A 2D world group chat (二次元群 èr cì yuán qún) is an online chat group for fans of the “2D world,” which refers to anime, comics, and games (ACG culture).
- The original idiom is 峰回路转，柳暗花明 (fēng huí lù zhuǎn, liǔ àn huā míng), which literally means “the path winds around the peak, the willows are dark but the flowers are bright.” It signifies a sudden, positive turn of events when a situation seemed hopeless.
- “Holy crap” is a translation of “我去 (wǒ qù),” a very common, mild exclamation of surprise or shock, literally meaning “I go.”
- Nezha (哪吒) is a powerful protection deity in Chinese mythology. He is famous for having an abnormally long gestation period, staying in his mother’s womb for three years and six months before being born as a fully grown boy.
- The original text uses “肿么办 (zhǒng me bàn),” a cutesy, online way of writing “怎么办 (zěnme bàn),” which means “what to do?” or “what then?”.
- “Holy shit” is a translation of “卧槽 (wò cáo),” a common, strong exclamation of shock, similar to “what the f***.” It’s a slightly more vulgar homophone for “我操” (wǒ cāo, “I f***”).
- The Animal Realm (畜生道 chùshēng dào) is one of the Six Realms of Rebirth in Buddhist cosmology. Being reborn as an animal is considered a punishment for bad karma.
- King Yama (阎王 Yánwáng) is the king of the underworld and judge of the dead in Chinese mythology.
- The original slang is “没鸟他 (méi niǎo tā),” which literally means “didn’t bird him.” It’s a common, informal way of saying someone was ignored.