Chapter 1 – I Can’t Write Any ‘Below the Neck’ Love Scenes

Table of Contents | Next Chapter

Ye Ming was fuming. He looked at the computer screen, furious. Just for that, they locked it? I, your father,¹ just wrote a scene that was three inches below the neck! If this goes on, it will be impossible to make a living by writing!

I, your father, have worked hard for many years and have finally achieved some measure of fame but it’s locked again, my readers will drop the story.

Ye Ming read the text from Jinjiang again: “The rules for content are simple. No descriptions of intimacy are allowed. A special reminder: Jinjiang prohibits any ‘below the neck’ scenes.”

From the time he started this web novel on July 1 to August 1, the plot has dragged on for over 90,000 characters. Several male and female characters have held hands and kissed but had been stuck in that stage for some time. When he wrote about something below the neck, the editors immediately locked it. Then Ye Ming had to bow his head and change the text.

I, your father, wrote it but ****!!!!! This is the worst! It’s so unfair!

Some people have been throwing bricks in the comment section, criticizing the novel:

Is the author just trying to get a better click-through rate?

The story is too melodramatic and contrived! Don’t read it!

When will the training story arc end?

Ye Ming clutched his hair. This isn’t what I wanted to do originally!!! Who would want to stay so long in the training story arc?!

Ye Ming tried to think. How about quitting Jinjiang? No, forget it! Where else could I, your father, make a living?! This ****ing story isn’t enough making him enough money!

While he was scratching his head, a “beep” sound suddenly came from his computer. Ye Ming glanced at his computer screen and saw words appearing in the draft he had been working on. The following message appeared:

“Are you Sao Tian Xia?”

Ye Ming was stunned. He is twenty-six years old but he has never seen a draft write itself.

Sao Tian Xia was Ye Ming’s pen name. He immediately typed:

“Yes. Who are you?”

More words appeared on the screen:

“Baili Qing.”

Ye Ming was stunned.

“Baili Qing? Where are you?”

“Did your head get caught in the door? I’m Baili Qing from ‘Immortal Love’.”

Ye Ming felt as though he had been struck by lightning. He hit himself on the head with the mouse. It hurt.

‘Did your head get caught in the door?’ was the second male lead Baili Qing’s catchphrase. Was it really Baili Qing, the second male lead from his novel? What on earth was happening? Was the second male lead character in his own story really talking to him? Perhaps I, your father, was overly excited by the message from Jinjiang and now I’m dreaming this? Ye Ming immediately wrote this down in his little notebook. This development could be used in his novel later.

“What do you want?” Ye Ming typed.

“Oh, I wanted to tell you that your story is too slow and illogical. It’s too lacking in passion. I’m going into closed-door cultivation. I resign; I won’t be used for entertainment anymore.

Ye Ming was stunned.

“Hey, wait!”

There was no reply.

Ye Ming wrote a few more lines but there was still no response. Ye Ming started typing furiously:

“Baili Qing lifted Bai Xuan’s chin and licked her soft lips. Bai Xuan was surprised by the strength of her own passion and her mouth opened. Baili Qing took the opportunity to enter and stroked her tongue with his.”

He hit the enter key and waited for the computer to respond. After a while, the cursor moved and he saw this on the computer screen:

“_ lifted Bai Xuan’s chin and licked her soft lips. Bai Xuan was surprised by the strength of her own passion and her mouth opened. took the opportunity to enter and stroked her tongue with his.”

Ye Ming screamed wildly. Isn’t this the same as forcing me to change the second male lead character? I, your father, have written over 90,000 characters!!! How could he do that?! **** this! ****, isn’t this the same as asking him to abandon his novel? I, your father, don’t want to shoot myself in the foot!!!

What should he do? What could he do?

No, I must calm down first.

Ye Ming paced back and forth in his room. After taking a deep breath, he decided to make his next move. If Baili Qing can communicate with him, then other characters also can!

Ye Ming immediately typed

“Is Xi Tianwang here?” He tried to talk to the main character.

No one responded.

“Bai Xuan?”

“Lan Lan?”

“Baili Feng?”

“Baili Wei?”

“Baili Qing’s mother?!”

He wasn’t cussing. It’s just that Ye Ming hadn’t named Baili Qing’s mother.
There was no response at all.

(TN: “Your mom” is a mild expletive. That’s why Ye Ming clarified that he wasn’t cussing, he was just calling out to Baili Qing’s mom literally.)

Ye Ming was going crazy. I, your father, want to talk to you!!! In his fury, Ye Ming typed out a line of text:

“****ing Baili Qing. Do you want me, your father, to come and find you???”

Then he threw down the keyboard and fell back on his chair, dejectedly.

Unexpectedly, a window popped up on the screen:

“Enter the ‘Immortal Love’ System. Choose: Yes or No.”

Ye Ming stared at the popup and then something made him click on “Yes.”

Then, there was nothing more.

Ye Ming had disappeared.

---

Ye Ming has been here for three days. For three days, he had spent every waking moment wanting to flee. What he had been doing these past three days was sweep the floor. On the first day, he swept his way from the East Court to the West Court. The next day, he swept from the South Court to the North Court. On the third day, the East Court was dirty again and so he repeated his routine.

How come the courtyard here is so ****ing big! ****! I, your father, didn’t transmigrate here to sweep the floor for you!

Ye Ming knows that there’s no one else to blame. He was the one who made this courtyard so large to show how powerful Duanmu Ling was. Duanmu Ling was the head minion of Shi Zhang Sheng, the villain of Immortal Love. However, right now Duanmu Ling was simply the master of Fenggu City. He hasn’t met Shi Zhang Sheng yet.

In the web novel, when the story started, Duanmu Ling had already turned into a villain who had been with Shi Zhang Sheng for a long time. In addition, the incident where he had burned down the city and gone with Shi Zhang Sheng to the mountains to practice demonic cultivation occurred many years before the start of the novel! That’s why I, your father, don’t want to be trapped here sweeping the ****ing floor!

Once again, for the 300th time, Ye Ming took a deep breath. I, your father, am ****ing sick of this. Really ****ing sick! I need to find a way to escape and find Baili Qing.

When Ye Ming transmigrated, he was with a group of children who were being sold. The system specially sent him a suit of clothes and made some age adjustments according to his identity. Now he looks like a 17-18-year-old boy. Ye Ming wasn’t ugly at all. He was very beautiful when he was young. As a result, Duanmu Ling’s housekeeper fell in love with him and brought him to work here.

Ye Ming found that no one here realized they were in a novel. So is Baili Qing an exception? How on earth did he find out that he is in a novel!

Ye Ming did not try to escape because he knew how strong the defenses of this courtyard were. Now the question is: how can I, your father, get permission to leave!!! Once I’m out the door, I, your father, you can easily escape!! I, your father, don’t want to spend my lifetime sweeping the floor. Ye Ming clenched his fist. He would like to go find that bast**d Baili Qing or at least be allowed to go out and buy food.

Based on Ye Ming’s calculations, Duanmu Ling was currently twenty-five years old. At such a young age, he was already the lord of Fenggu City.
However, this position wasn’t easy to come by. In order to make Duanmu Ling’s blackening more believable, Ye Ming wrote that he was the illegitimate son of the former master of the city and a female wolf demon.

He grew unusually tall and handsome but vulnerable to evil spiritual influences. Of course, since childhood, he suffered discrimination, various humiliations, and even assassination attempts. Since Duanmu Ling was part wolf demon he was able to use dark elemental magic. Thus, after all the hardships he experienced, he drove all the members of the Duanmu family out and killed them.

Ye Ming doesn’t know how many difficulties Duanmu Ling has experienced. He was originally just Shi Zhang Sheng’s devoted lackey. In the “Immortal Love” novel, he was simply a minor character who Shi Zhang Sheng used as a meat shield and was killed before the final battle. That’s why Ye Ming didn’t really bother to write about his background in detail.

He didn’t write much about it at all!!! Ye Ming’s head drooped down disconsolately. What a pity! Ye Ming’s uncertain destiny was his own fault!

What a ****ing shame!

The next event that was going to happen was that Duanmu Cong, Duanmu Ling’s brother, brought the male lead to seize the family’s property. Duanmu Ling was defeated, imprisoned, and almost cruelly maimed. Then the captured Duanmu Ling was displayed in public and the whole city’s citizens threw stones, eggs, rotten vegetables, etc. at him and even set him on fire. It was then that Shi Zhang Sheng, who by chance was passing by the city, thought that he would be able to make use of Duanmu Ling and saved him.

At this time the male lead had already left so Duanmu Ling was successfully rescued. Driven mad by the betrayal he experienced, the burned the whole city down and followed Shi Zhang Sheng to learn demonic cultivation. For the first time, Ye Ming felt sympathy for this character. Isn’t a cannon fodder character also human? Isn’t a minor character also human?

Duanmu Ling looked out of the window at the emotional servant. He should be sweeping the floor, but he has been talking to himself since Duanmu Ling first saw him. The expression on his face was so lively that Duanmu Ling couldn’t ignore it if he wanted to.

Does the Duanmu family rules allow this sort of unruly behavior? Duanmu Ling frowned and asked a servant to summon that person.

Ye Ming was shocked when he entered and saw the figure dressed in gorgeous clothes in his study. ****! Why an I, your father, so unlucky? Even when he was just grumbling to himself, he still got caught in the act! Ye Ming dragged his broom into the study and stood motionless with his head down, his brain full of bitter complaints.

The servant kicked Ye Ming’s leg. Ye Ming staggered then remembered a certain rule.

When Duanmu Ling was a child, he was raised as a servant. The Duanmu family’s servants have to pay their respects to their master whenever they meet him. This rule was written in the novel In order to make Duanmu Ling’s past miserable.

Ye Ming had to kowtow. He wanted to hit himself right now.

After standing up, Ye Ming saw Duanmu Ling’s face. ****! It’s so beautiful! Phoenix eyes, small but luscious lips, a slender figure… he was indeed a classically beautiful man. Ye Ming could hardly stop himself from staring, feeling as though he was addicted to beauty. Even though he was the one who had written it, he was still shocked to see it in person.

Ye Ming began to think about changing Duanmu Ling’s role after he returned. He felt like this cannon fodder deserved better and thought that he had wronged Duanmu Ling. He began to think of how he could revise Duanmu Ling’s part in the novel.

Ye Ming could write an H scene with a female wolf demon. That would definitely get a thousand positive comments from the readers. He could also arrange a better ending for Duanmu Ling. Ye Ming could put down his butcher’s knife for once.

I, your father, have written a tragic ending for him. This sort of thing was normally not something he cared about, but now that he had seen that character in the flesh, he felt a little guilty. Looking at Duanmu Ling, Ye Ming felt that his writer’s vision was lacking.

Duanmu Ling’s head hurt when he looked at the servant’s extremely lively expression. This person was not in his right mind. He was standing right in front of Duammu Ling but he seemed to be lost in his own world.

Wait a minute. What kind of look was that servant giving him? A strange feeling arose in Duanmu Ling’s heart. Was that servant looking at Duanmu Ling with compassion in his eyes? Duanmu Ling wondered: Is he sympathizing with me?

The two men were both speechless. Duanmu Ling’s heart felt heavy, as though some emotion wanted to emerge but couldn’t.

From the time he was a child, people had insulted and discriminated against him. Everyone disliked or hated him. When he grew up and took control of his family, everyone either feared or hated him. No one had felt any empathy for him.

Now, a servant whom he had just met for the first time had made him feel emotions he had never felt before. It’s weird! It’s totally illogical! Does the lord of a city need sympathy from others?

He was a little confused about what to do with this servant. Originally, he was going to cut off the servant’s leg and drive him out. But now he wanted to keep him by his side. Hmm, this kind of mood, it’s very novel. He feels … pretty good.

Ye Ming didn’t realize at all that his compassion had just saved him from calamity… and also brought him endless trouble.

---

Reika’s Notes:

• Thanks for reading my new project This story is pretty short at only 16 chapters but I want to take my time with it since I am pretty busy right now. Thus, there is no set release schedule. I’ll just post a new chapter whenever I can.

Table of Contents | Next Chapter

1. The “I, your father” is just a humorous way to sound tough or arrogant.